So, if you haven’t noticed by now, this page talks a lot about an idea called the ‘New Retro’. Basically, the stuff that was cool when we were elementary school, kintergarten, and pre-school. You know what they say: “Write what you know”. Guilty.
But our extensive knowledge and dabbling of and in the world of the New Retro isn’t the reason we created this blog. We created this blog because there is still good in this world, and thanks to the vast influence and capabilities of the internet, we can keep the New Retro very much alive in our lives even today (thank you Netflix). Basically, here at Tae-Kwon Donuts, we are trying to make your life more enjoyable.
So why did I love my childhood so much? Aside from the same reasons that every person loves his or her childhood such as a lack of major responsibility, underclothes, tight schedules, deadlines, and accountability in general, the world was a happier and more exciting place.
Why was the world happier? Sure you can blame it on a better economy and cheaper gas (that really does make me sad nowadays), but there weren’t “issues” of that kind, or really, of any kind during this era. Not every sexul-oriented slur turned into a political issue. Not every presidential speech was criticized and scrutinized so intensely. Sports associations weren’t having lockouts because of petty disputes between players and owners. Sure people had problems, but I honestly believe people weren’t so insecure about themselves and their lives as people are now. Political leaders have always said stupid things and everyone has always had problems, but people realized that they could solve their own problems and that they didn’t need to make a scene in order to do so. You can’t tell me insecurity isn’t a major cause for declaring sexual orientation of any hisorical figure in textbooks that will be printed in the future in the state of California.
Another sign of insecurity? This whole idea that famous women pop stars have that they need to be weird and sexual at the same time in order to be original and/or sexy. When the Red Hot Chili Peppers were doing shows in clubs and other small venues (and later in larger ones) in nothing but tube socks, it wasn’t a statement, it wasn’t an effort to be sexy. It was four guys showing the world that they could have fun and that they were completely secure about themselves and their music, and that they weren’t good because they didn’t wear clothes. They didn’t wear clothes because they were good. People were more individualistic during this time. Not everyone wore the same things. More people had 18 inch-high mowhawks or green dreadlocks. Less people cared about driving nice cars or modifying their cars or their bodies (I’m talking about surgery, fitness, or clothing). When I was a kid, people would say, “Hey I like your shirt,” or “I like your shoes.” In today’s society, it seems like unless all pieces of your outfit compliment each other, they all do you a disservice. I will admit that I’ve always been pretty critical about matching when I assemble an outfit, but it’s not because I’m worried about what people will think about me otherwise.
A great example of this kind of security came from the band R.E.M. This band got huge during this time, and they were a couple of normal guys that weren’t into drugs, fashion statements, or being sexy. Another example is The Cranberries. A rock band with a chick lead singer. No one really thought she was hot, but people still love Dolores. I’m not even sure if a lot of people remember what she looks like, but do you think she cares? I don’t. Everyone remembers her voice though. It’s the music that matters, not what you look like. the point of all these examples? People didn’t sweat the small stuff as often and so they were happier.
As far as excitement goes, let’s be honest; there were so many more ways to have fun back then. As a kid, it wasn’t just the Wii or the computer. Heck, the best-selling computer games during my elementary school years were Math Blaster and Oregon Trail, not exactly providers of a powerful adrenaline rush. Kids used their imaginations, something they don’t seem to do well today. Heck, you had to. Legos didn’t build themselves. Treehouses didn’t lift you up into them (unless you engineered some sort of pulley-lift system). Bike ramps made of dirt didn’t form themselves out without a couple of small pairs of hands to help them out. G.I. Joes didn’t blow themselves up or make their own parachutes out of grocery bags. Is there a sandlot left in America? If there is, I haven’t seen one in 10 of the United States that I’ve visited and/or lived in.
Even the cartoons were more exciting. Now, they are all more like soap operas or stupid Disney-inspired wannabe kid star sitcoms with laugh tracks. Besides Phineas and Ferb, how many cartoons are on t.v. today that are worthwhile? Parents used to get mad at their kids on Saturdays for watching so many cartoons, but, in our defense, there were so many good ones: Duck Tales, Rescue Rangers, Gargoyles, Talespin, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Animaniacs (including Pinky and the Brain), X-Men, Spider-Man (the two good ones), Transformers, G.I. Joe, Batman: The Animated Series, Beast Wars, Reeboot, Dragonball Z, Gundam Wing, The Magic School Bus, Gummy Bears, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Little Shop of Horrors (not actually a cartoon), Terrible Thunderlizards, The Tick, and Earthworm Jim. Those are just the ones I remember off the top of my head.
Another great thing about the media during this era was the inspiration. These cartoons inspired kids. After you watched the cartoon, you went outside and pretended you were a power ranger. You learned cooperation and problem solving skills with your neighborhood hooligan buddies because if you didn’t figure out how to stop the bad guy, the world, and more importantly, your backyards and trampolines, were goin down (speaking of trampolines, they all have nets around them. Another sign of insecurity and dullness. Un-necessary worrying at its finest. Kids can’t jump off their trampolines anymore, not even into pools). Kids wanted to learn karate because of their television heroes. Karate helped hundreds and thousands of kids stay skinny and learn discipline. When was the last time you met a kid who was taking karate?
How many current marines played with Nerf guns extensively? How many active engineers and architects played with Legos (and don’t mention the things they make now. Those things are barely even Legos. When I was a kid, all the pieces were bricks. You had to be way more creative to make something cool)? These toys turned people into productive and creative members of society. How many people make a living playing video games, honestly? Just playing, not engineering. They are engineering because the didn’t want their kids to be stuck with Math Blaster (which, I suppose, is another form of inspiration).
How many kids walk around with casts wrapped around their arms nowadays? Think about that. Hardly any because kids aren’t doing hardly anthing awesome anymore. It was cool to have a neon green or pink cast because you could show everyone at school and tell an outrageously embellished story about how you came to need to sport one. Now, I’m not discouraging the decreased need for casts and advances in modern medicine, but I am discouraging squeaky clean childhoods in front of a computer or television with an X-box controller in your hands. And you wonder why kids are fat. When was the last time a fat kid had a cast on his arm? Never happened. Fact: A fractured wrist will get fixed faster than obesity.
Even Super Soakers are less exciting. When was the last time you went to target and saw a waterarm that looked almost as big as the kid on the box shown carrying it? They stopped making water grenades probably because they appeared like actual pineapple grenades. Great. Bunch of paranoid parents took away the best water balloon ever from their kids. Slip N Slides? All shorter. Floaties? Non-existant because parents won’t throw their kids into a pool deeper than 18 inches until they are seven.
If you have found yourself nodding your head to any of this rant, if you found yourself thinking about your own childhood with fondness, if you remember the things I’m talking about even though you might have experiences the joy of all of them, then join us in forming a better, more exciting, more secure future by teaching your children and your future children these principles. Have awesome birthday parties outside that are themed for the love of Laurie Laughlin and buy them presents that will keep them out of the house so that you can clean it and save the money it would cost to hire a cleaning lady. I know she does a nice job, but you are lookin a little pudgy too. I have a feeling that our elementary school versions of ourselves wouldn’t be too proud of themselves if they met us today. So I say let’s do it for them and let’s do it for the future. Let’s do it for the children.
Adam
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